June 15th, 2009 by Ed Posted in Curringa Sheep Farm, Ed Halmagyi | 1 Comment »
Baz Luhrmann has a lot to answer for.
There was a time, not so long ago, when I could happily pass through life as a slightly gentrified city dweller whose life skills spanned the distance from omelette-making to car-polishing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no metrosexual. After all I’m happiest working in the garden, and I build my own furniture.
But then came ‘Australia’ the movie.
Suddenly my capacities were no longer enough. You see Hugh Jackman (curse his rippled torso and crisp Fred Astaire moves) was riding horses, wrangling cattle and winning the war on his own. While all the time smelling sweetly of sandalwood and musk, I’m sure.
Now the stakes were raised indeed.
What happened guys? Ten years ago we were surrounded by women who primped and preened, and competed for our attention, now it seems that Cinderella’s slipper is well and truly on the other foot.
We lost hand boys. The chicks are making all the rules!
But to make matter worse I found myself on a sheep farm outside Hamilton, an hour north of Hobart. It’s called Curringa, and it’s a great day out for the family, especially the kids. You get to see the full workings of a farm. From mustering and driving the sheep, to shearing, wool-classing, and even bottle-feeding the poddy lambs. Jack and I were particularly good with the lambs. Me because I’ve raised kids, Jack because he’s good with bottles!
This was all fine and I as having a pretty easy time of it. But then someone suggested that we should got and catch a sheep or two in the paddock.
What? Are you serious? Isn’t that a job for the border collies? But apparently not, it’s actually necessary for removing a sick or injured sheep from the flock.
Jack, bless him, went first. Before I had time to stir a sugar into my latte, he had one. How in blazes did he do that? Of course Jack wouldn’t reveal until later that he grew up on a farm in western NSW. He’s a country boy from way back. I thought I could smell a bit of rural toughness under his urbane medical exterior.
So. My turn hey? How hard can this really be.
Have you ever watched a really tall person try to dance? T’s not meant to be. In part we have too high a centre of gravity, but mostly we’re just too gangly an out of proportion to ever look smooth or co-ordinated. It’s usually a disaster. We end up looking like shirts hung out to dry on a blustery day.
Well sheep wrangling and dancing must have a lot in common, because I’ve seen the vision, and it isn’t pretty. Both arts have formulas, rules and moves, you just need to know what they are. For mustering it all comes down to one rule. Sheep are predictable: wherever you want them to go, they’ll do exactly the opposite. I still can’t quite tell if they’re stupid, or juts spiteful.
So off I went. Reach, stretch pirouette. Fall to the ground. Round one to the sheep.
Reach stretch, turn, grasp, pirouette. Round two to the sheep.
So I decided to try some rugby tactics. Al good, except that I grew up playing soccer, so all I could do is try to imitate what I’d seen on the telly. Goosestep, dummy, lunge and grasp! This time, my face ended up squarely in a large pile of dung. Now I don’t blame Jack for laughing, I would have too. But did he need to take pictures?
Eventually one of the sheep seemed to feel sorry for me, or just wanted to nibble my linen shirt. Either way I had my sheep if not my pride. But as I strolled towards the sorting yards, carrying a writhing sheep, I had a quiet little conversation with him, and he stopped wriggling at once.
Jack was clearly impressed, and when I returned to the ute he asked me what I’d said. And so I told him.
“Listen here sheep.” I had muttered quietly, “I may not be the farmer you know and fear, but what I can do with a carving knife, some garlic and a frying pan means you’d better show me some respect!”.
Take that, Jackman!
Ed
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